


Lost

by AngelofPerdition



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-26
Updated: 2012-12-26
Packaged: 2017-11-22 12:38:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/609892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelofPerdition/pseuds/AngelofPerdition
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's walking in circles. So, yeah, he's lost, but it doesn't even matter. He's been lost before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost

Sam’s pretty sure he’s passed that tree three times already. Of course, it’s dark, and all the trees in the forest look alike, but this one has a small branch at eye-level and it’s almost poked him in the face three times. 

He’s walking in circles. So, yeah, he’s lost, but it doesn’t even matter. He’s been lost before. 

The first time he was really lost was when he was around 13 years old. Dean and their father had been hunting a wendigo and had left Sam in the car. When Sam heard screams, he got out and started toward the sound. Two minutes later, he’d had no idea where he was or how to get back to the car. His dad had been beyond pissed. 

He’s always been lost, in a way. At first, before he went to Stanford, they never stayed long enough to really make friends. At school, some people would talk to him, but he was always the new kid who was too smart for his age and too strong for his appearance. He was always lost, both emotionally and physically, because he didn’t know his way around the school grounds. 

Then he left and went to Stanford. He was lost there at first, didn’t know his way around, didn’t really understand the way he was supposed to behave when he made friends because he’d never had real friends before. 

Then he met Jessica, and he got lost in her. She was perfect, smart and beautiful and so, so sweet. When he was with her, he felt in way over his head, but it was good. It was a good kind of lost. The bad kind of lost came with being without Dean. Dean, who was always there to reassure him that everything was going to be okay.

When Jess died, his whole world died with her. He let himself get lost in the road again, in hunting, in monsters and crappy motel rooms and Dean’s annoying habits. 

For a long time, ‘home’ was something that he couldn’t apply to anything in his life, not even Dean. Although Dean was the closest thing to ‘home’ he felt like he would ever have. And then Dean was taken away. And again. And again. And again. A hundred times, and he couldn’t do anything about it. But he got him back and was a little less lost. 

When he and Gabriel started this  _thing_  between them, Mystery Spot forgiven but never forgotten, he thought he could maybe find ‘home’ again, the way he had with Jess. Boy, had he been wrong.

Gabriel wasn’t ‘home’. Gabriel was fire and ice, light and darkness. He was soft touches and loving caresses and sweet kisses and unspoken ‘ _I love you_ ’s, he was hard glares and dragging nails and biting teeth and whispered ‘ _You know there isn’t more to this, right_ ’. He was everything Sam wanted and everything he feared and everything he hated and  _god_  Sam loved him.

He had also never been so lost. It wasn’t even like with Jess, it wasn’t a good lost. He hated it, yet he wouldn’t have it any other way. He was pretty sure he would never find ‘home’ but he didn’t care. He was lost in Gabriel and lost in his mind and now he was lost in this  _goddamn forest_  and he had  _no fucking idea_ where Dean was. He sat down and leaned against the tree, eventually drifting off.

Gabriel looked at the hunter sleeping against the tree and felt a familiar feeling rising up in his chest. The corners of his mouth curved up in a soft, affectionate smile he only allowed on his face when Sam wasn’t looking, the only thought in his head being  _home_.


End file.
